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“I’ve been on and off here for a while now. I’ve gone on a few dates, but no one I found special yet.” Anyone of these would be awesome or any variation. You’re telling the person the truth about how long you’ve been on the dating site, and then you’re telling them why you haven’t found anyone yet.

• If you've been dating for awhile and still haven't met their friends, that's pretty suspicious. May not mean to hide you away, but if they make up sketchy excuses when you tell them you.
• Next time you run into the person they will inevitably ask, “Why haven’t I heard from you?”. Both of you have arms and can pick up the phone to get in touch. If you friend wants to know why you haven’t been in touch, let your friend know that friendship is a two way street with one of our great comebacks.
• Acknowledge that you haven’t been in touch. Be friendly, and let them know why you’re reestablishing contact now. Ask them for the favor, but give them an easy out and make sure you offer to.

At some point in our careers, we find ourselves in need of help from others — whether it’s to make a direct connection to a hiring manager, to gather information on a prospective client company, or to get help in learning about a new industry quickly. However, over the years, we often lose touch with people in our network as work, family, and other demands fill our limited time. As if reaching out to ask for help wasn’t hard enough, what do you do when the person whose help you need is someone you haven’t spoken to in over a decade?

As an executive coach, I have seen clients in this situation many times. Building and nurturing our personal and professional networks is essential for career success, with research showing that robust networks lead to better opportunities, faster advancement, and greater status, among other benefits. When it would help you to ask for help from someone you’ve lost touch with, you don’t need to feel awkward. Just keep a few things in mind:

Shift your perspective. The last thing any of us want is to be seen as the person who reaches out to someone only when we need something from them. No one wants to be that person. This concern, alone, can prevent us from getting back in touch. Changing the way you view your outreach to this person can make the initial contact feel a little less uncomfortable. I have often reminded clients, “Guess what? They also haven’t contacted you over the last 10-plus years. They might be really glad to hear from you.” Taking the perspective of shared responsibility for the lapse in contact, or looking at your outreach as a positive event and a good reason to reestablish a relationship with your contact can be helpful in overcoming the mental hurdle to your initial outreach.

Acknowledge the absence of contact. Calling out the elephant in the room can also ease the awkwardness. If the context of your relationship was less formal, say a college or graduate school classmate, you might use a bit of humor and say something like “Blast from the past” in the subject line. If your relationship was more formal in nature, perhaps a former boss or client, you might say something like “Reconnecting” in the subject line. In my own experience sending these types of email, and that of my clients, when there is name recognition by the person receiving the email, the response rate has been over 90% with one of these subject lines. Early in the body of your email, you can acknowledge it’s been a while since you’ve been in touch and briefly update them on what you’ve been doing professionally. This will also help provide useful context for your request.

Pay attention to tone. Making requests that sound either desperate or demanding can result not only in your request being denied or ignored, but it can also taint the other person’s view of you. You want your tone to appear confident in that you believe that this request is something that the other person is able to say yes to. At the same time, you also want to make it somewhat tentative by recognizing that they are likely very busy. You can also offer to make it easier for them by saying something like, “Please let me know how I can make it easier for you to fulfill this request.” They may ask you to draft an email that can easily be forwarded or to send additional information.

Give them an out. In recognizing that you are aware that they may be short on time to fulfill your request, giving the other person an out will also help both you and your contact to save face in the event that they cannot help you. You might say something like, “I’m sure you are very busy, so if this is not a good time for you (or if you don’t feel like you know this person well enough to make an introduction), I completely understand.”

Offer to reciprocate. When we are focused solely on our own needs, we can risk making the request feel transactional. By viewing your request in the context of a larger, reciprocal relationship and asking how you can be helpful to the other person, you help to build the relationship. By saying something like, “Please let me know how I can be helpful to you, either now or in the future,” you open the door for them to reach out for help when they need it. Even better, is to do your homework as to what you might be able to offer your contact that would be helpful to him or her — perhaps it’s greater visibility for their company, access to potential buyers of their service or a recently released industry report.

Show appreciation. Regardless of whether your contact is able to help you, letting him or her know in a short note that you appreciate their reply and are glad to be back in touch can leave both parties feeling good about the interaction. If they are able to help you with your request, sending a follow-up thank you note and even a small gift like a bottle of wine or gift card for their favorite coffee shop can be a nice touch. I once reached out to a former colleague to ask for an introduction to the head of talent management at a large company, where I then had the opportunity to propose a sizable engagement. My contact had a stressful job, so I gave her a gift certificate to a day spa, even before I knew the outcome of my proposal, letting her know how much I appreciated the opportunity that her introduction created, no matter the outcome.

Stay in contact. Now that you’ve reconnected with this person after all of these years, this is your opportunity to stay in touch. This may be something small like including this person on your holiday card list or connecting on LinkedIn (or other appropriate social media), or inviting them to have coffee or lunch when you are in their neighborhood or city.

What To Say On A Dating Site When You Haven't Been On In Awhile Video

Reaching out to those that we’ve lost touch with doesn’t have to be a huge hurdle to asking for help when we need it. By keeping the above guidelines in mind, you can gracefully bridge these gaps in a relationship to reengage your network and build mutually beneficial relationships.

To the couples who haven’t gone on a date in awhile:

GO ON A DATE!

I know I say this a lot, and I don’t want to come off as annoying, judge-y or insensitive when I write this post. Life can be tough and in those tough times, we tend to put this incredibly important relationship of ours on the back-burner. It also happens when life is busy. For whatever the reason, these situations start to take precedence over something that is so essential to a relationship. I don’t think couples realize how important dating is to their relationship until they go without that special time for a few months and they truly feel a disconnect happening. Doesn’t our relationship need time away from work, school, children, family, and daily obligations and stresses?

You might think I encourage dates too often because I’m a naive newlywed who is still excited by dates, and doesn’t have a busy life yet! Just because I don’t have kids, doesn’t mean I’m not busy :) Also, I’m not naive. I have experienced marital hardships, and also have a college education completely focused on what does and doesn’t keep a family together. And guess what? I sure do think date night is one of those things that will keep a family together! :)

What To Say On A Dating Site When You Haven't Been On In Awhile Chords

With the infinite number of things to do as a couple, there’s not much room for excuses in not having a date for a long period of time!

• On a budget? There are so many cheap or FREE date night ideas to do at home or even going out. It can be as simple as going on a walk or hike!
• Trouble getting a babysitter? Kids have to sleep at some point, right? So that can be your window of opportunity for alone time. :)
• Can’t seem to find time? MAKE THE TIME. Life should never be too busy to the point where you can’t find time to spend with your spouse… If it is, then rearrange your priorities or give something else up, instead of giving up the quality time with your spouse.
• Not sure what to do? Look up ideas, especially from my giant compiled list here!
• Don’t know how to get the ball rollin’ again? Just straight up ask your spouse on a date! Since asking your spouse on a date is not an ordinary thing, it can seem really cute, surprising, and intriguing to your spouse :) How could they say no?
• Have other circumstances? DO THE BEST YOU CAN! You can call date night 15 minutes of playing words with friends against each other! You can say date night is cleaning the house together while listening to music and dancing together occasionally :)

Giving it the title

I think we also tend to just slide into going to events together, calling them a date without it even being said. I have felt that sliding feeling before, even though we are very good at asking each other on dates most of the time. I think there’s a lot of power in deciding on a date, asking on a date, or even just giving the title of “date” to something you do together. It makes sense when you look back on your single-life and remember how important the difference was between just hanging out, and going on a date! Your casual demeanor changes to a more intentional mindset, right? I think the same thing applies in the marriage world :)

What To Say On A Dating Site When You Haven't Been On In Awhile Will

So do something together and no matter how small the activity might be together, still call it a date :) I bet you’ll notice a difference! AGAIN, There really aren’t excuses for not spending quality time together that is fun or relaxing. It’s important to your mental health and your marital health, so hop to it :)