How To Get In Touch With Someone A Dating Site Without Signing Up\
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This article was co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA. Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 23,613 times.
Although online dating is getting more popular every year, it can still feel hard to establish a real connection when you’re meeting someone over the Internet. Just like in real life, the key to getting to know people online is honest communication: asking lots of questions to find out who they are and being just as open about yourself. By opening with a good message and asking about things you’re genuinely curious about, you can make a good impression and start to segue into a relationship.
Steps
Part 1 of 3:
Sending the First Message
1
Get in touch with people who are similar to you. Recent studies have shown, unsurprisingly, that the most successful online dating interactions happen between people with genuine similarities. When you’re looking through profiles, gravitate towards people who have listed interests similar or compatible to your own.[1]XResearch source
4
Compliment them, but not their appearance. A little flattery is OK, but complimenting someone’s appearance online can feel cheap. Instead, focus compliments on their interests and things that they’ve done to show that you’re interested in getting to know them.
- You could say, for example, “I saw that you went skydiving, that’s so cool. I’ve been wanting to go for forever.”
- Try a backhanded compliment for a more playful, challenging tone, like “So I see you’ve finished a marathon, but come back to me when you can do something really impressive, like eat 10 hot dogs in a row.”
5
Avoid a “hi” or “hey” message. While it’s great to try to keep things simple, just sending “hi” or “hey” as your first message probably won’t cut it in online dating. You’re not revealing any part of your personality or showing the other person that you’re interested in theirs. These messages also tend to get the lowest response rate.
- If you’re really stuck, try sending something like “What’s up?” instead. This keeps your tone simple and casual but still invites a response from the person you’re messaging.
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Part 2 of 3:
Getting To Know Each Other
1
Ask lots of questions. The more you know about your potential partner before you meet in-person, the more likely you are to have a great date and relationship. Once you start getting to know each other, don’t be afraid to ask deeper questions to get a feel for how you’ll connect to each other.
[3]XResearch source- Even “white lies” about small things can add up over time. Remember that you want this person to like you for who you are, not the person you think they want you to be.
- Show them your true personality, too. Stick to your natural sense of humor and mode of speaking to give them a sense of your communication style and character.
3
Stay positive, upbeat, and light. Keeping an upbeat attitude while talking on a dating site will give people an overall positive opinion of you and make them want to keep chatting, since your optimism will be infectious. A little sarcasm or dark humor is okay occasionally if that’s how you communicate, but keep outright complaining to a minimum.
[5]XResearch source- You can also use this technique to gauge a potential date’s interest. If they seem to be mimicking or shifting towards your messaging style, it could be a sign that they’re attracted to you.
6
Don’t give out personal information until later on. It’s always smart to keep some information private, no matter how well you think you’re connecting with someone online. Don’t tell anyone your last name, address, or workplace until you’ve met in person and have a strong connection.[7]XExpert SourceMaya Diamond, MA
Relationship CoachExpert Interview. 17 January 2019.
7
Set up a date when you’ve talked for a few weeks. Make sure you have a chance to get to know your potential date before you ask them out in-person. The more you know about them (and vice versa) the better chance you have of enjoying a great date and making a real connection.
[9]XResearch source- You could say, for example, “Hi James, thanks for the message. You seem like a good guy but I don’t think I’m the right fit. Wishing you all the best.”
- If you’ve been chatting for a while and want to break it off, say something like, “I think our connection is more platonic,” or, “You’re a great person, but I just don’t feel the chemistry between us.”
3
Give them an excuse if you want an easy out. It can feel awkward rejecting someone you haven’t met in person. For a smoother way out, try using a polite excuse, either real or made-up, to show that you’re not available.
[11]XResearch source- You can say something like, “Your messages have really made me laugh, but I just don’t see our relationship going any further. You’re a great person and I know there’s someone out there for you.”
5
Be honest with them and yourself. Don’t pretend to be interested in someone just because you’re not sure how to let them down easily, and don’t try to force yourself to like someone that you just don’t. This isn’t fair to them or to you.
- If you feel bad for shutting them down, just remember that you’re doing the right thing for both of you in the long run. You’re freeing both of you up to find better matches.
6
Be firm with people who are bothering you. If someone is sending you rude messages or is bothering you persistently, it’s OK to be more blunt and forceful with your messages. If they continue to bother you after you’ve told them not to, block them, delete their messages, or report their behavior.
- Say something like, “Please stop messaging me. I’m not interested and your comments are pretty offensive. I will block you if you keep sending me messages.”
- Look at the settings on your social media or online dating platform to see how to report or block people.
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Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach based in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills and relationships. He runs his own dating consulting and coaching service named Conquer and Win, the only BBB accredited dating coaching business in Vancouver. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
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References
- ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201704/how-have-successful-first-date-after-meeting-online
- ↑http://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/funny-online-dating-messages
- ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201704/how-have-successful-first-date-after-meeting-online
- ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201704/how-have-successful-first-date-after-meeting-online
- ↑https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-first-message/how-to-talk-to-men-online/
- ↑https://www.dailydot.com/via/cook-communication-secrets-online-dating/
- ↑https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-advice/using-eharmony/online-dating-communication-etiquette#.Wv27GtMvzOQ
- ↑Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.
- ↑https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201704/how-have-successful-first-date-after-meeting-online
- ↑https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-etiquette-not-interested-heres-say/
- ↑https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-etiquette-not-interested-heres-say/
- ↑https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-etiquette-not-interested-heres-say/
About This Article
Relationship Coach
This article was co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA. Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 13 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009. This article has been viewed 23,613 times.
Updated: June 14, 2021
Categories: Online Dating Online Communications
Article SummaryXTo communicate during online dating, start with a question about something on their profile, like, “So I saw that you’re a dog person! What’s your favorite type?” Tease them lightly to show your sense of humor and throw in a few compliments about their interests or accomplishments. Ask about their job and hobbies to get to know them better, and ask them out on a date if you’re forming a real connection. To show that you’re not interested, give them a polite excuse and be firm but kind. For more communication strategies, like conversation openers and questions to ask, read on!
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