Dating Putting In All The Effeort Site:reddit.com
I always liked 'ugly' men, conventionally attractive faces are boring in my opinion. So I have meet a lot of ugly men and had crushes on them, but they were never interested in me. And something about it felt off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But now I know, so I would love them to learn following things:
- So I'm a 26F and I use a dating site to try to meet guys. Pretty much every guy I meet has asked my to plan the date. I don't know to plan dates, and I'm not inviting men back to my place to hang out. I feel like when a guy asks me to plan something, he's being lazy. Has any women dated a man who made them put in all the effort? Was it worth it?
- Dating success = immutable genetic traits (height and face). I'm probably bigger than 99.99% of guys on my campus, but I still see tall lanky guys with girls all the time while I get absolutely nothing because I don't have the pretty-boy face that all of the girls want.
- Boyfriend doesn't put in effort. Well like the tittle says, i feel like he doesn't put any effort into the relationship. He invites me to his place to spend 3days each week there. The whole time I'm there he is either coding, playing league of legends with his friends on discord or chatting with his friends on discord.
Not all women like conventionally attractive men, so your looks is not a main issue. Your attitude and lack of effort is.
You can improve your looks by taking care of your skin, hair, weight and style. You can even use make up, yes men do it too.
Women you find attractive ALWAYS put a lot of effort in their looks, non of them is 'natural beauty'.
Your expectations are probably too high because you are shallow and superficial. Try to see women as humans, and you will learn that attraction is more then just looks.
If you are really ugly, consider plastic surgery. This is what ugly women do as well, so it's unreasonable to expect women to like you, when they can find someone who had plastic surgery and looks hot now.
Effort is the most attractive trait everyone should have by default. Making effort shows to a person that you matter & you respect them even if you’re calling it quits, saying it is STILL effort. Make sure you make effort in your dates. Make sure they reciprocate it back.
For context:
Ugly men have unrealistic perception of what beaut really consists of, so they expect women to fall in love with 'who they are', but at the same time they lust over women who put a lot of effort into looking good. I didn't understand that either but last year I learned my lesson that something like 'natural beauty' doesn't really exist. I was always a nerdy girl type, I would put ZERO effort into my hair, skincare and my clothes. I would just let my hair grow, and I would wear plain jeans with plaid shirt without any consideration for matching colors or style. Of course I wouldn't wear any make up at all. I didn't had an acne bit my skin has some discoloration and so on so it doesn't look so great. Needless to say, I wasn't consider the hottest girl in the room. I actually didn't have any romantic life.
So I was like those guys, I was sitting there and thinking 'man, if only I was born beautiful, I would find my soulmate'. But then I started to interact more with 'beautiful' girls and I made a discovery - they actually put a lot of effort into looking hot. Effort I wasn't willing to put myself. Often those girls would look worse then me without makeup - they would have acne scars. Or they would have worse bodies then mine, but they would dress well to accentuate their nice features. And some of those hot girls were 'naturally' more hot then me, they had better faces and bodies, but still they could get overlooked if they didn't put on makeup, work out and so on.
So I decided to improve myself and I took care of my skin, I got a haircut and I changed my hair colour. I learned which colours suit me, what clothes I should wear considering my body type and how to style my outfits. I learned how to make up, but still look 'natural'. I started to work out a little as well. And while my face still has an obvious flaws like a big nose and stron jaw, I can say that male attention I'm getting increased significantly. I'm still not hot, but I did everything that didn't required a lot of money. And for some 'ugly' men it's still not enough.
Those ugly men are not willing to do any of the things I did, they want women to love them how they are naturally. But when they mention who do they find attractive, they alway mention a friend who is not only putting a lot of effort in her looks, but also who has nice facial and body features. Those men expect to date 8/10 or higher. They want to date Instagram models. And when those women reject them, they deem those women as shallow and superficial.
And it's not superficial to expect your sexual partner to put the same amount of effort into their appearance. If a guy lust over a woman who obviously spent s lot of time and money to look that good, it's not shallow for her to reject him if he obviously don't care about his looks. I would say it is superficial to reject a person because they just one feature that is not supper attractive - like small breasts or big nose. But I noticed that normal people don't care, if everything looks good it's fine if you have this one flaw. But those ugly men who are always complaining about being single, they seem not been able to overlook other people flaws. They will comment on how some girl is fat (while being overweight themselves) while she still put a lot of effort in her looks like doing her hair and make up.
And then I would also ask those men do they consider plastic surgery. And the answer is almost alway NO. And when I ask ugly women this question, the answer is almost always YES. Women feel like it's their responsibility to look good for their SO, so they are willing to spent money on that and take a risk. But those men aren't. They expect their so to just accept them. Which is a nice idea but in reality they want to date outside their league. So 4/10 man expect 7/10 woman to 'just accept him', bit he won't tolerate 6/10 woman or lower.
And the biggest irony is that more attractive men are often willing to date uglier women. So while I like not conventionally attractive faces, my boyfriends were always somewhat conventionally attractive. Apparently while I'm not hot by any means, they found me attractive for other reasons like my personality, my skills and so on. All while 'ugly' men didn't wanted me.
*This post is about my personal experience and while I write 'those ugly men' I refer to this I have met and interact with. I obviously can't speak for a milions of people. This is just a patter I noticed both irl and online in places like r/foreverAlone.
